I tell you what, if one more city slicker rolls up my gravel drive asking if I “relax out here and drink herbal tea,” I might just go full possum-crazy on ‘em. This ain’t no Bed & Breakfast with chickens for decoration. This is a working homestead in Tennessee — land that sweats, bleeds, and gives back only what you wring out of it with busted knuckles and dawn-to-dark labor.

People think homesteading is cute until they’re waist-deep in goat crap at 5 a.m. trying to unjam a milker because the doe decided today’s the day she’s gonna kick like a two-stroke engine. This life ain’t for the faint-hearted, lazy, or Instagram filters. This is grit, firewood, sweat, and skill. And if you don’t have those, Tennessee will chew you up and spit you out next to the rusted lawnmowers.

Let me break it down for you folks who think this is some whimsical “back to the land” fairy tale. If you want to live the homestead lifestyle in Tennessee and not get run off by mold, wild hogs, weather tantrums, and your own damn ignorance, you’d better sharpen up the following 15 homesteading skills. Memorize them like gospel, because out here, they’re the difference between thriving and begging your cousin in Nashville to let you crash on their couch.

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15 Homestead Skills You’d Best Learn (Or Quit Pretending You’re a Homesteader)

1. Basic Carpentry – You’ll fix everything from the chicken coop to your own roof. Can’t swing a hammer? Go back to Target.
2. Canning and Preserving – If you don’t know how to can tomatoes, pressure can beans, or make pickles that won’t botulize you, you ain’t eating come January.
3. Animal Husbandry – Goats, chickens, rabbits, pigs. Know how to breed ‘em, feed ‘em, and treat ‘em when they get foot rot or coccidiosis. Don’t just Google it after they drop dead.
4. Butchering – Yes, you need to know how to turn your animals into food. Respectfully. Humanely. Efficiently. If you cry too much to do it, buy your meat at Walmart and leave us alone.
5. Seed Saving – Ain’t no guarantee that the feed store will have heirlooms when the next supply chain fiasco hits. Learn to save, dry, and store your seeds.
6. Composting – If you’re tossing kitchen scraps in the trash, you’re wasting gold. Compost feeds your soil and your future crops. Learn the green/brown balance or enjoy your slimy, stinking pile.
7. Basic Veterinary Care – Out here, the vet ain’t 15 minutes away. Learn to pull a calf, stitch up a wound, and treat worms yourself.
8. Chainsaw Operation and Maintenance – You’ll be clearing trees, cutting wood, and maybe building a cabin with it. Dull chains and bad fuel mixes will ruin your day and your saw.
9. Cooking from Scratch – If you need a box to bake a biscuit, don’t come out here. You should be able to whip up a meal from what’s in your pantry and garden.
10. Foraging – Learn your local wild edibles and medicinals. Chickweed, plantain, morels, wild garlic. This land offers more than you realize, but not if you’re too blind to see it.
11. Basic Plumbing – Gravity-fed water, rain catchment, septic systems — you’ll be your own maintenance guy or gal. And guess what? Pipe bursts don’t wait ‘til it’s convenient.
12. Electrical Know-how – Solar panels, generators, battery banks — off-grid power takes brains and patience. Don’t blow yourself up.
13. Tanning Hides – If you hunt or raise livestock for meat, don’t waste the hides. Learn how to tan them and make use of everything the animal gives.
14. Firewood Management – Cut, split, season, stack. Know what wood burns hot and what smokes like a wet rag. Heating your home is a year-round job.
15. Weather Reading – The weather man don’t live in your valley. You’ll learn to read the sky, smell the air, and feel when the storm’s coming.

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Now, once you’ve got those skills (and don’t lie, you don’t), let’s talk DIY Homestead Hacks. Tennessee weather will swing from biblical droughts to soggy floods in a week, so these three hacks might just save your bacon.

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3 DIY Homestead Hacks Every Tennessean Should Use

1. Gravity-Fed Rainwater System Using IBC Totes
Everyone acts shocked when their well pump dies or power goes out. You fool. You need backup water. Set up an elevated IBC tote system with first-flush diverters. Hook ’em to your gutters. Rain falls, tote fills, gravity does the rest. Add a Berkey-style filter at the end if you’re drinking it. Simple. Cheap. Life-saving.

2. Solar Dehydrator Made from Old Windows and a Box Fan
Tennessee humidity is a beast, but the sun’s generous. Build a solar dehydrator using reclaimed wood, black paint, an old fan (solar if you can rig it), and some screen shelves. Dehydrate your herbs, fruits, jerky — even fish. Stop wasting your freezer space and power on what the sun can handle.

3. Heated Chicken Waterer with a Concrete Block and a Lightbulb
Come winter, the chickens’ water freezes faster than you can say “eggbound.” Place a cinder block upside down, put an incandescent bulb inside (protected from pecking and moisture), and set your metal waterer on top. Boom — no frozen water and no $80 Amazon heater.

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You still here? Still think this is a lifestyle for “simplicity” and “slowing down”? Lord help you. This life is about intentional hardship. The kind that feeds your soul while it breaks your back. Ain’t nothing simple about rising before daylight, bleeding in your garden, and praying your sow don’t miscarry in the cold snap. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Tennessee homesteading isn’t for soft hands or soft minds. It’s for folks with backbone, blistered palms, and a deep, unshakable love of land. It’s not rustic charm. It’s war — against decay, dependency, and modern stupidity. And every day you win a little ground, grow a little food, teach your kid to hold a hammer instead of a tablet — that’s a victory worth the scars.

So if you’re still dreaming of this life, put your boots on. Pick up a shovel. Get dirty. Get tired. Get smart. And for heaven’s sake, stop asking if I “name my chickens like pets.” Their names are Breakfast, Dinner, and Soup.

Now get off my porch. I’ve got beans to stake and a fence to mend before sundown.